Ash Wednesday

Thought about Lent today.

Things I have given up in the previous seasons of Lent:
-Salt
-Soda
-Rice
-Youtube/Social Networking sites
-'Useless' dates with random girls
-Ketchup
-Fast food
-Self-gratification (for family-friendly readers, let's translate this as 'reading a magazine'; but for the rest of you... you know what? Let's just call it 'reading a magazine')

So I've thought long and hard (that's what she said) about what to give up for this season. And like thousands of other people who've brain-farted the issue every year, I've ended up at the same conclusion: I don't know. I could go down the route of 'making my life better' by adding things that I don't normally do (e.g. eat healthier, drink more water, work out more), but those things are not only boring, but they cause me irritation.

Eventually, I reach step-two of my yearly thought process: Lent is about sacrifice. Plain and simple. Jesus Christ sacrificed his life for me, and all I can give up is soda for forty days? Hell, I don't even drink that much in the first place! No, no. It has to be bigger. It has to be something that I've never thought I could ever live without, like my opposable thumbs, or both my kidneys, or you know, money.

I realize there are few pleasures in life that I absolutely adore, but none of them are things I want to stop doing for forty days. For example: taking my daily trips to the bathroom to relieve the turtle-head effect, or like... eating food I guess.

So it's back to step-one: What can I sacrifice that is worthy of God's Almighty Ultimate Super Gigantic Spectaculaaarrrrrrrrrrrr Sunday Sunday Sunday!!!!! (Ok, so Lent isn't exactly a Mexican-monster-truck rally, but you get the gist). Anyway, let's just say that I've decided on sacrificing something bigger than all of the Lenten promises before:

From now on, for forty days I am giving up saying "That's what she said"

Yes, you heard it first. It is the biggest sacrifice of my life, but I am determined to do it. Please, everyone help hold me to my promise. If you catch me saying that sentence in any fashion, force me to put $5 in a TWSS fund.

My goal is to have less than $25 there by the end of the forty days. Wish me luck. It's going to be really hard. THAT'S WHA----

DAMMIT!



P.S.
...Oh and just to ensure that I got my bases covered I'm also giving up putting seasoning/flavoring/sauces/dips etc. to already-prepared food (e.g. salt, ketchup, ranch, buffalo sauce, and many many others).